How to tell if you’re a boater.

We’ve been livin’ la vida boater for eight months now!

Naturally this means I now know absolutely everything there is to know about boating, including how to tell when you are (or are not) a boater.

Do you suspect you might be a boater? Check my list to find out.

Screen Shot 2014-11-03 at 12.07.561. You live on a boat. 

We'll start out easy.

We’ll start out easy.

2. Answering the question ‘Where do you live?’ always results in an hour-long conversation.  

"You live on a boat? Like one of those long ones? Where is it based? You move every two weeks?? Why do you live on a boat? ISN'T IT COLD?!"

“You live on a boat? Like one of those long ones in Camden? Where is it based? You move every two weeks?? Why do you live on a boat? ISN’T IT COLD?!”

 3. Coal fire season kicks in and suddenly your idea of ‘clean’ is not like other people’s idea of ‘clean’. 

"THAT'LL DO."

“THAT’LL DO.”

4. Your idea of speeding is also a bit different from other people’s idea of speeding.

giphy-1

5. You can always tell when Winter Is Coming.

You know you’re a normal person if you realise that winter is coming when you step out of the front door and see your breath in the air for the first time that year.

Pictured: normal person.

Pictured: normal person experiencing winter.

You know you’re a boater if you realise that winter is coming when you wake up in bed and see your breath in the air for the first time that year.

Pictured: boater.

Pictured: boater experiencing winter.

6. In fact, you are far more in tune with the weather in general. Particularly when it’s windy.

giphy-2

7. Annoying neighbours are a thing of the past.

giphy-5

8. ‘Moving house’ takes on a whole new meaning. 

giphy-6

9. Trees suddenly become even more attractive than they were before. 

All you can see is Warmth Potential.

All you can see is Warmth Potential.

10. You’re considering being really naughty in the lead-up to Christmas because you could really do with the coal. 

"Excuse me Santa, is this Excel?"

“Excuse me Santa, is this Excel?”

11. You have, at some point, worried about both paper cuts and rat urine in the same sentence. 

Also about how to pronounce 'Weil's'.

Also about how to pronounce ‘Weil’s’.

12. Much of your life revolves around poo. 

giphy-9

13. You have become really good at fixing things for yourself. 

giphy-11

Mostly.

14. You have also become really adept at looking like you know what you’re doing when actually you have no idea what you’re doing. 

"YEP THIS ALL SEEMS CORRECT."

“YEP THIS ALL SEEMS CORRECT.”

15. Lastly, you know precisely how it feels to both completely hate and utterly love where you live at exactly the same time. 

giphy-13

 

The End.

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2 thoughts on “How to tell if you’re a boater.

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