On our boat, Ed is the skipper. This is largely to do with his ability to steer the boat for more than a mile without screaming at a duck to get out of the way, but also because of his superhuman powers of Fire Making.
Still, I am working on learning how to build and maintain the fire by myself and believe I have identified a foolproof method which I will outline in the following tutorial:
How To Make A Fire
with Carli H
1) Preparing the Fire Box
Preparing the Fire Box begins with wiggling this wiggly thing.
Then you must empty the old ashes from the Fire Box’s ashpan, which lives under the fire.
Or, in my case, ask Ed to empty the ashpan for me because the ashes might still be hot and potentially hot things worry me.
Old ashes go into the Tippy outside.
Success! You are now ready to begin building your fire.
2) Building Your Fire
The key to building a successful fire is witchcraft. Failing that, you must ensure that your burny stuff has plenty of air, which helps it do its burny thing properly. Or something.
In our case, this means making sure our (smokeless — we play by da rulez) coals have plenty of space between them in order to let them burn good.
3) Place coals into Fire Box*
Begin by withdrawing coals from the coal bucket and then positioning them in the Fire Box as described above.
4) Worry you haven’t used enough coals and throw a few more in there
5) Contemplate large number of coals now in Fire Box
6) Worry you’ve put too many coals in
7) Take some coals out
8) Look at hands
9) Go back to step 3) and notice the “*”
10) Set things on fire
Now it is time to make like The Doors and light your fire.
To do so, you need two things: matches and kindling.
You might need to break up your kindling a bit before you put it into the fire.
11) Use matches to light kindling
12) ….use matches to light kindling
13) USE MATCHES TO LIGHT KINDLING
14) Look at matchbox in confusion
15) Attempt to light kindling using matches one last time
17) Sit on the floor for a bit
18) Look around desperately for something that burns good
Newspaper burns good, right? Tear up a whole newspaper and throw it in the Fire Box.
20) Watch smugly while newspaper blazes, filling Fire Box with beautiful fire
– Shout “I AM THE BEST AT FIRE.”
– High-five passing coots.
21) Notice fire is going out
22) No, no, no no nonononono NO
23) Yell “Whhhhhyyyyyyyyyy” for a bit
24) Waste 17 matches attempting to light crumbling newspaper ashes with shaking hands
25) Drop matches everywhere
26) Put on coat
27) Go to the shop
28) Purchase large pack of fire lighters
29) Return home
30) Look at instructions on fire lighters box
32) Insert whole box of fire lighters in Fire Box
33) Throw in box of matches for good measure
Et voila! You are now warming yourself in front of your toasty fire. Or, possibly, you have exploded the front of your boat. Either way, still warm.